The QA; Quieted Angst

In Beth Moore's 'Living Beyond Yourself' workbook she mentions her son Michael of disproportionate physical structure because prior to his adoption he was emotionally challenged. Her description of his inability to cry and how it had mis-shaped his body moved me. I remember my own stubbornness as a child; my insistence on not crying. She shared the verse in Zephaniah 3:17 that tells us that God will quiet us with his love. How utterly awesome is that. He keeps our tears; should I value them less? As children grow up they begin to shun the hugs and displays of 'cords of kindness' of their parents; cast away emotional signs of weakness. But God doesn't discontinue being our parent. Often there is a longing to return to those childish allowances of such love - that assurance of quiet. This place we visit is full of angst, like some wearisome stalker from day to day - with worry for tomorrow, for ourselves, things of this world. Some drown in it while others shut themselves away more imprisoned than before. Some wash away in the swell of it never to return or perchance to get beached on some distant shore. I like walls. But I find even if they have windows, I am disabled from participating - a self-condemned vicarious voyeur, window shopper, wall flower. When did I think I could quiet my spirit better than God? It is neither to get washed away, hide nor lose ourselves in this heaven bound journey, but to take the hand of the Master and allow ourselves to be led with 'cords of kindness and ties of love'. "Blest be the tie that binds Our hearts in Christian love; The fellowship of kindred minds Is like to that above. Before our Father’s throne pour our ardent prayers; Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one Our comforts and our cares. We share each other’s woes, Our mutual burdens bear; And often for each other flows The sympathizing tear. When we asunder part, It gives us inward pain; But we shall still be joined in heart, And hope to meet again. This glorious hope revives Our courage by the way; While each in expectation lives, And longs to see the day. From sorrow, toil and pain, And sin, we shall be free, And perfect love and friendship reign Through all eternity." Lord I bring before you my day to day angst as a child lost. Oh for your quiet I pray. Let me find comfort in your quieting; a place to cast my cares. Teach me to seek you out as my hiding place and return to thy healing cords of love. To you be all praise, glory and honor.

Live the Life

Building upon and practicing the Spanish I initially began a study of years ago, I find myself thinking with it and listening to the nuances of the meaning. Just the other week the co-pastor friend at church and also today my co-worker friend and I in each instance were discussing how 'Escucharme' can substitute 'Oirme'. Similar intricate subtleties exist in all language, even for the counterpart of these same words. As a writer, I don't read a book or watch a movie; I climb into the mind of the writer who has stepped inside and experience his story. From fingering the keyboard and singing at church, I've begun to let the music play me. As I re-immerse myself in photography, I find myself seeing through a lense without the camera to my eye. Today coming home with my fellow-commuter friend, I saw the perfect take, again and again and again. I was driving and I had forgotten my camera at home. But I saw the sun balance itself within the vortex of two hills in a San Dimas horizon. I saw clouds release their moisture as if exhaling a sigh and nearby also keep it in as if angrily holding breath, and how a glint of sunlight touched a shrouded airplane. I took in the double rainbow, seeking its origin from end to end. My friend showed me how the colors reversed from the inside rainbow to the outer one; I hadn't noticed that detail before. Yes, I was watching the road too ;-) When you talk; speak! When you listen; hear! When you look; see! When you smell; envelope the aromas! When you touch; feel! Savor when you taste! When you live; be alive! I'm realizing that God doesn't want me to half-exist. I've got some work to do. I've grown up protecting myself from hurt, from getting angry and, in so doing, from the fullness of an total spectrum of emotion. It has been a disservice to myself, to my loved ones, and to my First Love. I'm remembering a verse "with ALL your ...." and '...you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot'. From us He wants wholeness; He wants entirety. Paul learned to be content in whatever situation he found himself. That can so easily fit the existence described above. Our salvation reminds me of the movie 'Toy Story' in that what is a toy that spends its existence boxed upon a shelve instead of enjoyed by a child. I don't think that God asked, nor Paul resolved to, de-sensitize life. Imprisoned disciples sang. God joined us here on this earth in the person of Jesus and felt our pain, hurt our hurts, rejoiced in our joys! I think Paul's contentment was Christlike. Lord help me to live Christlike; move me from any and all marginality. Help me to know and live 'for me to live is Christ'.

Dying

I was reminded this morning while discussing with a friend how enjoyable the movie "Bucket List" was, that dying equates to stopping living. It is not death we want to avoid; simply to whatever extent possible live until you die. The movie stars Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, and is excellent. You laugh, you sigh, you look for a tissue and cry.

Whole Heartedness

One of the birthday gifts from the husband was The Sacred Romance workbook. Quickly I recognized I needed the book as well to get the totality of what is provided. Clearly once started, I realized the Spirit whispered to my husband as one of the means of getting my attention (the book talks about that effort, right there in the beginning). If you had heard the husband's sermon this past Sunday, this was a splash that began ripples, rings still spreading. It seems one could call this work, the heart whisperer. I'll be journaling this journey as, indeed, it is one I need to take and, I believe, one that needs be shared. Thank you my beloved Boaz. Thank you Lord for your persistent love and grace.